The story of I’m not good enough.

Once up a time there was a girl. She was sweet, polite & her school teachers described her as ‘soft-spoken.’ She didn’t back-answer, she mostly did as she was told, and she was shy around strangers.

She was playful with her friends and would quarrel with her little sister, but in a room of strangers she wouldn’t say a word.

 

In college, she was the nice girl in class who wouldn’t speak her mind really… some of the other girls called her a door-mat. Her boyfriend broke up with her “because she wasn’t the person he was attracted to in the first place”… she had become his side-kick.

She just though she was shy.

 

Then one day, she realized she didn’t like this shyness about herself.
… Why couldn’t she speak her mind?
… Why couldn’t she offer her ideas and why was she so darn afraid of confrontation?
… Why did she let people bully her and why did it always feel like it was too late to say what she needed to say?
She started saying hurtful and resentful things to herself, but not out loud.

 

Then one day, she was reading a book and she learned that this shyness might actually be a symptom of something called “insecurity”. Looking deeper, she saw a possible truth –– she didn’t want people to judge her. She certainly didn’t want people to laugh at her. She didn’t want to appear dumb, silly, or foolish.

She was so afraid of what other people might think, that it was easier to be quiet and be nice. Get everyone to like her by saying what they wanted to hear. Or at least what she thought they wanted to hear.

 

She attended workshops on self-development and read more books. And she got familiar with her fear of judgement. It also translated into her life as “I’m not good enough.” This story, this belief, this lie seems to follow her everywhere.

“I’m not good enough to get that job…..

… to ask for that raise,
… to date that person,
… to dress like that,
… to start a blog,
… to start a business,
…to pursue my dreams…”

 

 

She had worked on her ability to express herself.. and it got easier. she’d offer her opinions, and ideas, and speak up when she needed to and would even stand up for herself during disagreements. But it was always an effort to get past the deep-held story — “What if they find out that I’m not good enough?”

 

Over the years of doing yoga and reading spiritual books, her self-worth changed. Even though the sneaky lie of “I’m not good enough” was not entirely uprooted, she also began to believe that she was unique like everyone else in the world, and had something to contribute. She became a seeker, to find her purpose and her meaning.

 

She began to do different things. Dancing. Going to moon circles. She became an activist. She spent time with amazing people who were up to cool things, bold things, life-changing radical things. 

 

Then one day, she was in a talking circle with other people who were amazing, bold, brave, fantastic. It was a circle of trust and a circle of vulnerability.

One by one, every single person in the circle shared a story. Their fears. Their insecurities. They were different stories, of different circumstances, and different struggles. But underneath each fear, was the same lie — I’m not good enough.

She couldn’t believe her ears. No one else seemed to have connected the dots, but when her turn came again to speak, she pointed it out — every single one of us seems to have this lie embedded in us — I’m not good enough.

It shows up in different ways and and disguises. But we all seem to have it. 

Is this your story too? Maybe you weren’t called soft-spoken, maybe you were called “mean” and “nasty”. Maybe the lie showed up in a hundred different ways. But somewhere, we’ve all believed we’re not good enough.

IT’S TIME TO GET PAST IT. 

1) It helps to know you’re not alone. It seems like its every human alive.

2) It’s not true. You are special in your own unique way and you better believe it. Maybe you have some skills to polish and maybe you have some actions to take. But it doesn’t change that you’re a once-in-a-lifetime event. 

3) It doesn’t matter. Begin to ignore that lie. The more you recognize it showing up — as fear… worry… indecision… overwhelm… confusion…. the easier it is to get past it.

4) Focus on what bring you joy. What lights you up. What’s the one thing you can do all day and it thrills you to your core. Find it. Do it. And do it more.

5) It’s simple and it’s hard. It’s been a lie we’ve told ourselves a long long time. You may not get over it in one day. But you can give it less power each time by remembering that it is a lie. 

YOU’RE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH. Not only that, you’re an eff-ing amazing badass and you light up the universe. It sure as hell wouldn’t be the same without you. 

Now get out there and do your thing.